Subject: WWPDD — New Question From a Reader!
I have this boyfriend and hes a toootal dom… hes scared of it though. T_T (If you can’t tell I’m a switch but I lean to the sub side lol) I really want to see and most of all FEEL him let loose! I think it would be good for him to let it out and it would be wonderful to know that it was ME who finally reached it ya know? What do I do?!
There are all kinds of ways to bring out someone’s dominant side. The most obvious of course is….telling them what you want. Establishing trust and good communication is generally what people will advise. I advise that too. But since you are asking me this question I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re looking for, well, more than someone to tell what you already know.
Not everyone likes to talk about sex. For lots of people talking about what you want in the bedroom ruins the fantasy and it isn’t hot. This is probably because we have been feed this notion that there is a “right person” for us out there, and when we find them things will just click and the sex will be amazing and we will live happily ever and blah, blah, blah. So, for some people having frank discussions about likes and dislikes sex wise makes things clinical and unsatisfying.
Also, sometimes if you try and talk to a partner about experimenting with something new sexually they feel like you are saying they are a bad lay and then the sex gets even worse because they feel awkward and inadequate.
I know that I personally can’t let lose when the fear of being judged or laughed at is present, so start by stroking his ego, and his cock at the same time if you like. Tell him how great he is and stuff.
Once you have him buttered up and feeling confident you can express your desires through words or actions or both. Words – please slap me, please choke me, or please do X to me. Actions – take his hand and put it on your throat, or what I often like to do, hurt them first. A little game of antagonizing your partner can go a long way. You start hurting him A LITTLE until he starts hurting you back. I always have fun with that game In scenes and in real life, I tell people, if I hit you, it’s cause you aren’t hitting me hard enough!
The important thing is that when you do get him to start exploring his dominant side you show him that you like it! Pull him closer, smile, moan, say you like it, or do whatever it is you do to convey enjoyment.
People are often scared by the thought of hurting another person, so you’ve got to alleviate that fear by showing him that you are loving what he is doing. Hopefully, when he sees how much you are getting off on it he will start getting off on it too and that will give him the freedom to unleash his inner dom
The bottom line: Never underestimate the power of positive reinforcement.